i am jealous. i am in love with my girlfriend. i am terrified of one day losing her. one way or another. i want children. but with no one but her. i want a family and a home with her. i like country music and eighties hair rock. i've found that i have a heart for people and that i like to help the ones that need it. i like tattoos and i want several more. i hope i never run out of room to put them. i'm afraid of needles. i bite my nails. i have brown eyes. i don't know who i am. i changed when my gramma died. it's been a year and eight months. i'm afraid of the dark. and bugs. and heights. and small spaces. i get claustraphobic with the sheets over my head. i want to go back to school. i want to be an art teacher. no. i just want to be a teacher. i almost don't even care what subject it is. i miss cns and don't have the same passion here that i did there. it happens. i've been fired from two jobs. they were both my longest held. i've only had the courage to tell my father the truth about me. he's three thousand miles away. i want to tell my mom, but i'm scared of her reaction. i'm just scared. i am jealous. i just want to have my love, my family and my home and be hidden away from what makes us fight and what hurts our feelings. i'm scared of losing the people i love. i'm scared of facing life without them. i like to write. i used to think i was a poet. but really i just liked words. i miss painting. i miss pencils. i miss shadows. i miss not having responsibility. rent and a car payment gets very overwhelming sometimes. i currently have $2.68 in my bank account. pay day cannot come fast enough.

there's nothing special that you should take note of me. i'm just an ordinary girl.

....i have to make dinner now.
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